I am turning 30 next year...age is just a figure that increases every year yet it does not mean that you are any wiser nor brilliant...it is what you have become and how to bring yourself about that really shows how you have aged...age is not the issue for me here, or at any times.
As i reflected back the years that passed i realize that this is the very first time that i am alone, all by myself and away from the comfort zone that i have grown into. i have never been alone in my entire life until now...even when i was conceived i have started to learn to share...with my soulmate...Yes, my soulmate and i shared the same womb, uterus or watever u wanna call it. We shared the same birth date with 4 minutes apart, we shared the same crib, clothes, shoes, we even shared the same family for 18 years 1 month and 4 days.
My soulmate and i shared the same room for 16 yrs of our lives yet when we had our own rooms, we cling to each other every nite never want to be separated in our dreams. We went to the same school, shared the same friends though the bond is different, we were never separated for that 18 years of our lives together and i have never been alone.
Even though my soulmate left me, still i was never alone, as i entered uni to read law, i had my good friend with me and i made more friends and i have never been alone. I was fortunate that when i entered uni my friend Mazlina was there as well. Maz and i were in the same school for 11 years and we were classmates for the last 5 years and though she was not my best friend then, she was my best friend in college and we continued to be classmates and housemates for the next 3 years whilst in college. we were seldom apart as we travel to class together, eat more than 4 meals a day together, shop together, hangout together and whatever else together.
but the problem with me, maz and friends like farina, na and eon wuz that despite spending our lives together, being in the same course and class, hanging out together - shopping, watching movies and eating more than 4 meals together, sharing our life stories all the time whilst having double scoops of Baskin Robbins facing Bangsar Hill, our endless nights at A&W PJ while doing our revisions, sharing exam jitters byt listens to our songs in the car, we spoke endlessly but we never seem to communicate....we drifted apart and i think all of us are to be blamed for it...we moved on, barely speaking to each other but i do wish na, maz and farina all the happiness, good health and blessed future but more than this i wish them love...things happened and it made me think that i am a bad friend but sumhow it doesnt happen to me alone, all the 5 of us - maz, farina, na, eon and i...we all ended as individuals rather than as members of an elite group envied by all at the law school during our uni days (supposedly not only by the juniors but also by the seniors)...
still i was never alone, i have my family and friends with me 24/7...when i started chambering period i had my best friend, eon, with me...i dont know why but we sumhow made a pact to only choose a firm that would have both of us as chambies and it took us several interviews before we were finally accepted to chamber at the firm...luck was at our side that another former college mate was there as well and later we became good friends...intan and i are still good friends as a matter of fact! But the problem with good friends - you never wanna hurt them that you end up bottling everythg, you lie for them, you protect them, you even jeopardise your career yet that was not enough to protect the friendship....i guess that is how eon and i drifted away.....we still communicate with each other once in a while but nothing was ever the same and i am willing to accept the blame though not the fault, still i am never alone.
i was retained that the same firm, despite me going away for a few months to venture into sumthg else...i've made few good friends - min, V, reza to name a few...and until now we remain good friends despite whatever situation we may be in at this very moment. V n I resigned from the firm to join another company together, where she became my boss and i became her assistant....we has fun giving birth to the department and running it together for the next 3 years before i decided to come to Coventry...Yes, V n I have gone above and beyond and friends and as my superior...we have been stressed, beyond stress and even shouted at each other but that only made our bond stronger...maybe i have finally realise what friendship is all about that i am willing to work things out instead of letting go... and i do miss our yearly adventures together and hope to be doing it when i go back home though she you'd be married by then... Yes, i am sad for having to let V go but i am truly happy for her!!! estatic would be d rite word?
i am never alone...i have great friends in my life and even found a few soulmates whom have grown up together with me as we have been in the same neighbourhood since our infant days till now...people like adli, sani, sorsi, ayang, intan to name a few...we are not only bonded by time and history but also by family...these are the people whose houses i can bunk in at any time of the day without feeling unwanted nor ashamed of...their family are mine and mine are theirs...
but adli is the bestest friend forever...and there's also chen, nadia and feeda whom though i've only known for a short time but it seemed that they have been there forever...by my side more now than ever before and though i am far away from them... i may be alone now...but i am never lonely...thanks to you for making that possible...
