The week that was full of unexplained emotions, questions unanswered and a future to ponder on. Whilst writing this journal entry, I find myself still in a state of bewilderment, asking myself…is life a journey that is full of burdening responsibilities, expectations and a standard that one must strive to uphold, in order to survive?
Since you appeared in my life, nothing remains the same anymore. Every time I replay that moment of our first encounter, I silently pray that I have an eraser to erase that moment. Now don’t get me wrong, you are not a bad person nor are you a mistake that shouldn’t happened. It’s just that life wouldn’t be as complicated as it is now had we not met. Still, I believe in fate and that God works in mysterious ways that is not within our capabilities to neither understand nor justify.
I do however, feel that for any relationship to survive for eternity, the must be an equilibrium point where both parties are at a win-win situation but that is not the case between us. Sometimes I wonder why I make myself ever so available for you, when you keep playing hot and cold on me. I always thought that you need me more because I’m supposed to be the mature and wiser one, for lending my shoulders for you to cry on, ears to listen to your complicated and challenging life journey as well as your dreams and thoughts. I am that person who would hold your hands whilst listening to the words that come from your heart, wiping the tears that pour from your eyes and accompany you on your sleepless nights.
I’ve been warned of your selfish intention to milk my attention only for you. I’ve been warned that this will be a journey where I will end up being hurt the most. I’ve been advised to put this to an end before I lose myself to you. Whilst my dearest, dearest friends are right, I am however, a hopeless emotional fool who rules her life with her heart, ignorant of what her mind dictates. And because of this, every time when we say goodbye, I get all emotional and sad because I’ve come to realise that I need you more than ever before.
Life is a journey that leads you to different paths that confuses you each time you come to a T-junction. Whilst your mind would whisper which way to turn after calculating the risks, your heart will scream, demanding that you turn into the opposite direction from what your mind decided. And every time this happens, I would end up laughing and have that cynical grin on my face, for realising that I made the wrong move and that is no turning point for me to erase that move.
Sometimes I feel that I am very hard on myself, for being such a masochist, for living life in a roller coaster and a bumper car. But I like it that way. I opine that one should not expect life to be a bed of roses or a walk along the beach or sweet as a Popsicle. I believe that life should be full of challenges that you need to overcome with positive mind set to neutralise the negativity and find the balancing point which enables you to face and embrace the challenges ahead with positivity.
Life may be full of challenges that turns your world up-side-down, demotivates you at any chance that life may have but at the end of the day, when all those are faced in positivity and love, you will be a winner. Together, you and I will overcome the challenges ahead, as a team. There is no point to look back and wonder if we made the right choice or if life is discriminating or hard on us. There’s always light at the end of the tunnel and it may be a long walk to get there, but it will be worth it.
Live life for life is beautiful.
THE END
