ooohhhh little bird...where are thou??? u seem to enjoy doing this to me...making me wait and wait and wait for you... aaahhhh no wonder they say: patience is virtue...

little bird ... i cant wait for our adventure to take off soon.... soon little bird...soon... :)

bought two books over the weekend....attempting to finish both books before the new year arrives... so shall now start with ... KAMIKAZE: Japan's suicide samurai....

 For some reason... i am repeating these wordings which i once wrote earlier in this blog... i hope it gives you a chance to realize that at certain times...i just dont know what to do...

 

"When I am scared, I micro-manage...

When I am uncertain, I over-state...

When I am challenged, I mmmmm belittle and lash-out

And when I love someone, I try put that person in a box..."

last night i sent you a text and you replied, though not immediately but till now i have yet to read what your reply is. why have i not read you may ask, well don't ask, for i myself don't know why, when all i want is you....

i cried yet you did not hear me...mmmmmmmmmmm

sometimes.....love is just ain't enough...

i want more and more and more

then i start making demands...

yet  i know  that it is ridicolous

for who am i to make such demands

for i haven't got a clue

from whom am i making these demands

when all i want is you

aaarrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sometimes when you end up doing everything on your own
it is tempting and nice ....
to have someone to look over your shoulder

it may not be the same
nor would it makes it easier
but try to relax and savour the moment

when you have that someone
to lend a shoulder and an ear
just for you...

be selfish!!!

i think by now you'd realize
how selfish i can be
how demanding i can be
how over-zealous i can be
how stubborn-headed i can be

yeah...they dont call me a selfish bitch for no reason

if absence makes the heart grow fonder...
and if parting is such sweet sorrow....

why does it hurt so bad????

"HONEY!!!!!!!...sunday is dull...wonder why???......oh yeah..U r not thr with me!"

you sent this to me...juz went i try to distant myself from you...i want it all or nothing at all...but i know it's not sumthing that i cant demand nor u can give...that is why it hurts so bad...

what am i to do? for each time i see you i get hurt sooo bad...i'm crying inside...but i put a brave face in front of everybody.... and yes...my days seem dull without you...but i shall not let that control my life...for i am hurting without you knowing it....

hahahaa!!! if only....

i can do anything
for you and our living
for love and eternity
i can do anything

i can be anything
that you'd want me to be
that would make you happy
i will be your everything

would you do anything
and be everything
so that our destiny can meet
and we live for eternity

~07/12/2009~

faith
such sweet word
yet i still wonder
do i belief?

death
such sweet sorrow
it makes me ponder
am i morbid?

love
if only it is easy
for the journey is endless
for you to get what you need

~07/12/2009~

i take risks on my terms
i look then i jump
and it still hurts

i live life on my terms
i love, hate, cry and laugh
and it still hurts

for i am not complete
for i am not perfect
to live or to love
to be happy or perfect

if i were to have you in my life
will all change?
for better or worst
till time do us part?

~07/12/2009~

once upon a time
i used to wonder about time
to think, to work, to sweat
it all needs time

time is my enemy and dearest friend
yet i took time to realize that
i ask for more time each day

to love, to live, to ponder
what do i do with my time
they say time will tell
time will heal

yet i have wasted a lot of time
and experienced none of this
time... where are thou?

~07/12/2009~

ON...AGONY

u called this morning and though we spoke and i was concern with your situation, somehow or rather it was not the call that i was hoping to received.

i hate this feeling for it is impossible to expect something that i know can never be possible. it is so far-fetched that i feel hurt...is it possible to feel hurt when the intention was not there in the beginning? i wish it is simpler...for should i distant myself, it will be noticed by all...

or this could just be me and my pms....hormone disorder that no scientific reasoning can uncover... i hate this feeling...